where do i see myself in 5 years?

it's funny for someone who self analyzes so much you think i would have a definitive answer to that. a plan, a goal, an understanding of what future i would like to have.

but i don't.

married? i dunno? maybe... not a goal but if it happens.

children... god no, i hope not. maybe one day i will feel differently, but for the moment, no.

in a real career? ok that one i can say yes to. that's definitely a yes, i want a career, one that affords me to live, one that i can move up in, feel successful at.

so that's what i got for a goal? ok, here's number 2: in a city i love. is that city new york? idfk. it seems so exciting from the movies and tv. but is that life style really for me? considering one of my favorite things to do is wander around aimlessly is that the fast paced lifestyle i want. and i hate cold weather.

i see maybe more california, though its hard to know for sure since i have not been since i was 4.

ok so 2 goals: career and good city. wow... i really need to fill in the specifics. i have a lot to think about, and a few months to do it.

and the one thing i can't get off my mind, i can't blame ry for moving to follow his dreams. but is going there mine? and if i stay true to the whole "not blaming him for leaving me to follow his dreams" can i be happy following him up there if it is not my dream? i love him, but where do i see myself in 5 years, honestly marriage isn't the top goal.

all i know is that if i don't do something for myself... something to finally make me proud of myself, i will never be happy.

this does and doesn't suck.