thanking you for what i could not do...

i wish i knew what to say.  i feel so helpless when i am at a loss for the right words.  "i wish i could take your pain away." is all i want to say... does it help though?  because i don't know that i can.  who knows what the right thing to say is, i feel like i used to be so much better at this.  

i do believe in someway people just need to vent.  like a transference of energy.  i feel upset/angry/bad/hurt/etc. so i will tell you about it and therefore relieve oneself in someway... but how does this transference effect the other person?  they will not take all of it, but they can take some.  i guess that's why we all need a shoulder to cry on, got to let it out somehow.  the worst is feeling like the other person just doesn't want to hear it.  then you hit a wall, and it almost doubles the energy back on to the original "feeler".  

perhaps i am just stupidly rambling.  that's what a blog is for right?  maybe i am transferring some energy on some unsuspecting person who makes the mistake of getting forwarded to this page... (sorry bout that.)

but thank you in the same respect, because just as i write this, just as i put this out of my head and into the collective conscious, i feel my heart beat a little less fast.  i feel a little more calm.  i just hope i have been able to do that for someone else... 

though i think i sucked at it tonight.  damn it.  

(night 2 of no sleep, and i do not see it anywhere in sight...)