choices...

i don't know what to do... on one hand...

move to nyc with ryan... he says he's going, no stopping him. should go with him... with no job. no savings... no place to live?

on the other hand, what is left for me in orlando?? a job, not a career. tired of this city. though i do love the people, i would always visit.

and if i don't go, do i lose the opportunity to be with the most important person in my life right now?

but if i do go, what if i fail and have to come back to nothing. lose more than i already have, egg on mah face.

i don't know what to do. supposed to go visit family in vegas in july, but can't go if going to nyc, need to decide soon to get the 100 plane ticket...

how are you supposed to plan the rest of your life so fast? why the econ depression now?? this is supposed to be my time to grow and i'm fucking stuck.

ugg. i need some clarity.

given you the creeps.

that was fun.

vivid dreams.

last night i dreamnt i cooked steak. what does that mean? i have not eaten steak in probably 4 years. much less have i ever cooked steak. though i did make it on the george forman.

weirdness.

question 2: how can a shampoo be vegan? does that mean all other shampoos have animal pieces in them? have i been washing my hair with meat? or is it just a different way to make something seem organic and buy into this "america goes green" thing... my mom bought me an organic cotton night gown made by hanes... i look like a grandma in it. way to never get me laid mom. (smart lady... unless she wants grandkidz.) blah. lunch time. steak anyone?

remember privacy?

remember meeting someone and having to actually get to know them without having the luxuary of an internet profile to let you know what they are into... or better yet remember having to make up your own opinion of someone based on face to face interaction not what they edit to show you... (flattering camera angles...ability to fake an interest because the info is at your fingertips...delete unflattering comments... etc.)

anyway, it's so crazy these days... i gotta email, myspace, a blog, twitter, livejournal, flickr... and that's only 1/2 of it, some people have more!

why do i need to let people know so much?? am i that bored? if i had a life i would not have the time for all of these...

this is something to think about.

everyone or no one

a. lies

b. knows what they want.

if one is true does it negate the other?

say, if we knew what we wanted we wouldn't need to lie... it just comforts us to believe in something till we get a little bit of comfort or change. and that becomes the new "what we wanted"... till we are bored.